I am on roller coaster and I don’t like it. I want to feel normal, I hate this empty pit of a feeling in my chest, and the unaccomplished loser that I am. I feel like a waste of space.
I don’t feel good about the work I do when working because its all dead end crap that serves no purpose to society, only making specific individuals wealthy and nothing more, and sometimes well many times the companies are just not ethical which makes it even harder to deal with. They are doing nothing illegal, but its not always ethical in how business is conducted these days.
The general public is just mean and dealing with general public in a customer service setting is setting up someone for failure, its not fun, its demoralizing and makes you feel like garbage because of how people look down and view those like me in dead end jobs.
I got my transcripts from high school, and its bad. My HS GPA is 2.25, and my university GPA (the ones California colleges used back in the day) is 1.94 and my rank is 398 of 523.
I guess I could have done worse, but its clear I was not a success in high school in any shape or form, and looking at the classes I was put into, its no wonder I didn\t learn. So much wasted time in BS classes like Student Aide, typing (on a type writer) PE, band, none of which I gained any skill or useful education from, well maybe the typing did, but I already knew how to type.
Too bad schools didn’t have computers, I graduated in 1997, so it wasn’t really internet age yet mainstream I guess.
If I look back on my life to this point, I have accomplished nothing.
I don’t even have active hobbies right now because we have to rent, and I need my own house to do what I enjoy, its not possible to do it living in an apartment.
I am just a sad, miserable person, and I am not sure it will ever change, it hasn’t in 35 years.