No matter how much I hate being alone, I have to learn how to be alone. I am not fit for a relationship or friendships and it’s best for all involved for me to stop trying to make friends, because in the end, I push them out of my life, and then I feel worse about it. Happens each and every time I make a friend or am in a relationship so until other things change in my life, being alone is likely the best thing for me.
I can say for sure now, small town living is not for me. Its a very isolating experience and certainly not a healthy environment for someone who already feels isolated and alone.
I now understand what people mean by they care but just can’t handle my issues, and I know I have a handful of them.