2 tier mental health

8 02 2016

Despite having so called universal health care we really don’t when it comes to mental health. When it comes to mental health we have a 2 tier system.


  1. Those who have the finances to self pay have access to a wide range of mental health services, and can generally quickly receive help.


2. Those who lack the finances to self pay have restricted access, and are at the mercy of the government, and well the public mental health services depending on area can really suck, or not even be available at all.


I am in group 2. Add in that fact I do not have a disorder that can be easily managed by medication and I am even more screwed.


Like everything else in life, even mental health treatment is dependent on how financially well off you are.


Who knows what life could have been like the last 6 years if I had been able to access appropriate mental health care, but I will never know. I will never have the money required to access it, so I have given up.


Why keep hoping for something that is never going to come?

I know what the issue is.

18 01 2016

I have no fulfillment in life. The jobs I get only make other rich, they serve nothing but to cause major stress for me. We can never own a house which means no fulfillment in housing and again making someone else rich, and at the end of the day, nothing to show for all the money spent on housing, you walk away with nothing.

I haven’t had job interview calls in weeks, maybe even months now. I am not employable let alone employable into any job that isn’t crappy, not fulfilling and completely unsuited for me due to disability issues.

I am in my final 3 years of being in my 30’s and just as I predicted, not much changed, same as every other decade of my life.

I had some hope for a brief period when I thought I might go to school this year, but that fell through as we have no way to pay for it, so back to square one.

This world is so messed up, unless part of the elite wealthy class your screwed in this modern world.

It’s a New Year!

2 01 2016

And it didn’t get off to a good start. I was just not able to see any positive yesterday, and spent nearly every waking hour on how I am not able to get a job because of lack of employable skills, how I am not able to get therapy because of lack of money, have to turn down a spot in class for lab assistant due to lack of money, I don’t see a future, etc.

Pretty much every single thing on the planet that bothers me came out yesterday, and I just an overall grouch.

I am really having trouble stopping the free fall this time around, I am really low and sleep nearly the day away, no motivation to get up, let alone any to actually get something productive done.

The lack of job interviews, the fact the job Councillors at gov’t funded work place told me in this job market I am not employable and won’t be until I get some education and a consistent work history, how is one supposed to do those things exactly?

I’d have a consistent work history if I didn’t have a messed up brain, and untreated illness, it all boils down to lack of treatment.

How exactly is someone who isn’t wealthy pay:

400 per month for group component of DBT & at min 250 per month for the independent component of the program?

I asked those I know for assistance, I tried to get a bank loan even. Even went as far as trying a go fund me campaign but all said no, or in the case of go fund me, failed to raise any funds, well I did raise funds, one person donated $50 which was about $30 after the go fund me fees, I suppose that is a start.

I do utilize the mental health services available to me which currently is just a psychiatrist, and while he is a nice doctor, he isn’t able to provide appropriate therapy treatment, so he just manages the medications I am on.

A few things I have learned in this mess:

  1. Few people care about mental health issues, and even fewer care if you get help.

2. Unlike a medical physical illness, people have little to no sympathy for mentally ill which results in lack of access to healthcare for treatment.

3. If your not wealth off financially, your pretty much up the creek if your borderline as there is limited and very few resources in this province of Canada for said disorder.

It really is as someone put it just on giant circle.

Difficulty holding job because of illness, lose job, can’t access treatment due to high cost which results in more lost jobs and friendships. But even with the jobs I do get at times, they just cover the bills, nothing left for treatment.


I feel I could be productive if I could just access the treatment that I need. People asking me to not be depressed, not to be moody, act normal, well that is like asking someone with untreated heart disease to go run a marathon and be in the top percentile. That just can’t happen, and same with mental health, when untreated it is very difficult to stay function, let alone be productive.


People say I complain, well yes I may do that quite a lot, but it’s all from frustration due to lack of available resources, I should haven’t to be financially well off to access treatment, I thought we were supposed to have Universal Healthcare here, so why is mental health issues treated like the step child and some disorders just deemed to much money to deal with?


I want to change, I hate living this way, I do what I can based on self help stuff, but there are a slew of things I need professional counselling on, and really need a structured DBT group to teach me the skills, I have really failed when attempting to teach myself, but again I am not a good self teacher, I learn best by having it explained to me, and then doing it. That is how I learn, and why I am not much of a success at teaching myself new and complicated things.

I guess the most important thing in life is just to accept I cannot afford, and thus cannot get treatment, and just try and not let it frustrate me so much, and just learn to live with this fact.

Just like everyone can’t have a Porsche, not everyone can access medical treatment,¬†money makes the world go round, without enough, you just can’t access certain things, be it a fancy car, or expensive medical care.

Not so good.

26 12 2015

I can say one thing that is for sure, my emotional health is poor, and I seem to be getting worse and worse with no real hope for improvement.

I have no energy, no interest in doing anything, no desire to be awake. I just want to sleep. I feel miserable, and I haven’t a clue how to fix myself.

Getting Worse

30 11 2015

I am just getting lower and lower mood wise and becoming more of a emotional roller coaster. I am having trouble even staying awake and getting up. I’ve been sleeping most of the day just so I don’t have to feel anything.

I am snapping at people, very short, annoyed and just not a pleasent person to be around.

The DBT place raised their fees so it’s going to be even harder to ever get treatment.

Should have to be rich to access the appropriate treatment for mental health.

I haven’t worked since July, getting almost no interviews, the few I do get don’t lead to a job. We are in dire straights financially, skipping meals to conserve food, probably another reason I sleep so much, lack of energy from lack of food.

People tell me to work for myself, start a business, how the flip are you supposed to do that without money?


I have an idea for a business and this type does well in Vancouver and Toronto and I think would do well here as well, but would need 20k to 25k to cover start up costs, website designed and built and some advertising. Yeah that isn’t going to happen.


Everyone thinks it’s so easy to do this or that, but no money means not making any, takes money to make money, those of us without money, cannot start a business.

I am really at a loss as to what to do at this point.




Oh Really?

5 11 2015

Lost my student loan appeal, so never going back to school as I am out of options, and tuition is more then I can afford.

Everyone I used to work with at the airline have good careers now, good jobs. I don’t even have a career.

Too dysfunctional I am.

When your poor and have learning disability you are screwed.

4 11 2015

I had appealed my student loan restriction on the grounds that at the time I had the loan, I was attempting distance learning for the first time and found I was beyond my abilities and despite working as hard as I could, I was unable to complete all the courses. I was also heavily depressed at the time, and I have a severe learning disability, and yes I made a mistake thinking I could do distance learning, but I was at the same time being encouraged to do by counselors and doctors since I didn’t have an on campus option to me.

The loans were paid off in full. The denial is solely because of scholastic performance. If I had just done it on campus, I would have passed and none of this would be an issue. Distance learning, well I will never encourage anyone to do it if they are not 100% able to work independently and learn independently.

I am on disability, so instead of helping people get back into the work force the government would just rather have us sit on disability, fine, if that is what the government want’s that is what I will do.

Why work at a crappy min. wage job when disability pays the same amount?

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