And it didn’t get off to a good start. I was just not able to see any positive yesterday, and spent nearly every waking hour on how I am not able to get a job because of lack of employable skills, how I am not able to get therapy because of lack of money, have to turn down a spot in class for lab assistant due to lack of money, I don’t see a future, etc.
Pretty much every single thing on the planet that bothers me came out yesterday, and I just an overall grouch.
I am really having trouble stopping the free fall this time around, I am really low and sleep nearly the day away, no motivation to get up, let alone any to actually get something productive done.
The lack of job interviews, the fact the job Councillors at gov’t funded work place told me in this job market I am not employable and won’t be until I get some education and a consistent work history, how is one supposed to do those things exactly?
I’d have a consistent work history if I didn’t have a messed up brain, and untreated illness, it all boils down to lack of treatment.
How exactly is someone who isn’t wealthy pay:
400 per month for group component of DBT & at min 250 per month for the independent component of the program?
I asked those I know for assistance, I tried to get a bank loan even. Even went as far as trying a go fund me campaign but all said no, or in the case of go fund me, failed to raise any funds, well I did raise funds, one person donated $50 which was about $30 after the go fund me fees, I suppose that is a start.
I do utilize the mental health services available to me which currently is just a psychiatrist, and while he is a nice doctor, he isn’t able to provide appropriate therapy treatment, so he just manages the medications I am on.
A few things I have learned in this mess:
- Few people care about mental health issues, and even fewer care if you get help.
2. Unlike a medical physical illness, people have little to no sympathy for mentally ill which results in lack of access to healthcare for treatment.
3. If your not wealth off financially, your pretty much up the creek if your borderline as there is limited and very few resources in this province of Canada for said disorder.
It really is as someone put it just on giant circle.
Difficulty holding job because of illness, lose job, can’t access treatment due to high cost which results in more lost jobs and friendships. But even with the jobs I do get at times, they just cover the bills, nothing left for treatment.
I feel I could be productive if I could just access the treatment that I need. People asking me to not be depressed, not to be moody, act normal, well that is like asking someone with untreated heart disease to go run a marathon and be in the top percentile. That just can’t happen, and same with mental health, when untreated it is very difficult to stay function, let alone be productive.
People say I complain, well yes I may do that quite a lot, but it’s all from frustration due to lack of available resources, I should haven’t to be financially well off to access treatment, I thought we were supposed to have Universal Healthcare here, so why is mental health issues treated like the step child and some disorders just deemed to much money to deal with?
I want to change, I hate living this way, I do what I can based on self help stuff, but there are a slew of things I need professional counselling on, and really need a structured DBT group to teach me the skills, I have really failed when attempting to teach myself, but again I am not a good self teacher, I learn best by having it explained to me, and then doing it. That is how I learn, and why I am not much of a success at teaching myself new and complicated things.
I guess the most important thing in life is just to accept I cannot afford, and thus cannot get treatment, and just try and not let it frustrate me so much, and just learn to live with this fact.
Just like everyone can’t have a Porsche, not everyone can access medical treatment, money makes the world go round, without enough, you just can’t access certain things, be it a fancy car, or expensive medical care.