I hate living.

19 04 2015

I hate life and the lack of ability to have one. This world isn’t for those who lack money and high earning capacity. You cannot be happy poor. I have been poor my entire adult life and I have never truly been happy. I am exhausted from always worrying about money, where the next bill will come from, how to pay rent, how to pay for food, it never ends. There is never enough money to pay everything, something always has to be skipped each month. Its a never ending cycle and there is no way out.

I have tried to succeed and get the income I need but its never worked out.

How sad is it that full-time at my wage after taxes is not even enough to rent an apartment in this area any more, and I am supposed to be happy?

I work for nothing, no benefit, every single penny earned goes out the window to someone else, nothing to save, nothing left to do anything fun, nothing left.

There is no way to break the cycle, once in it, there is no way out. The only option is to be born into a situation where your not in the cycle, otherwise your just a slave to the wealthy, paid peanuts so they can make more and more and have more and more while you have less and less.

I forget

15 04 2015

What is even feels like to be happy. I am in a cloud of grey 24/7/365 and only getting thicker and thicker as time passes. I feel no real enjoyment anymore.

What do people do when…….

12 04 2015

They can no longer afford rent? I am getting really concerned that rent for a small 1 bedroom/1bath in this area are now running in the 1,300 to 1,500 range.

Omg we would be homeless if we ever have to leave the place we are now.

I wonder……

9 04 2015

If your meant to be something specific in life and when that specific thing no longer exists if its possible to be happy?

I am talking about work, I have not been happy and content in any job I have had since 2003. My longest stint at any job since then was 10 or 11 months.

My first job I enjoyed and was content in, and I spent 2 almost 3 years there, before moving onto the airline industry in 1998 where I stayed until 2004, and then again in 2008,

Those years at the airline, I was content in life, happy, and enjoyed my job, I enjoyed it so much I would on a regular basis spend 16 hours working because well it wasn’t work to me, I enjoyed the work, the people I worked with, and I would rather be at work then bored at home…lol

I do sometimes wonder if my inability to keep jobs and be content is because I am meant to be in certain types of jobs and the jobs I can get are not compatible to my personality.

I wish I could have a house.

4 04 2015

I really wish I could own a house. I really want a yard, have a nice pond outside, a nice garden. Be able to have a modern kitchen and space.

I feel really claustrophobic in apartment’s and apartment’s are getting tiny. Take our bedroom for example, the room is slightly bigger then a Queen size bed, can’t even fit a king size into the room. We have about 1.5 feet on each side of the bed.

It’s not mentally healthy to live in such a small space.

I get so frustrated because I can have my hobbies when renting, landlords are a pain in the ass who only care about money, not their tenants being happy.

I know people say not to give up hope, but at some point you have to. Housing prices are not going down anytime soon, to buy any house in this area your looking at 500,000 or more, and you cannot buy that kind of home on our income level, and we have not the earning power to ever have the income necessary.

You’d need 50,000 just for the down payment.

I am 36, and really at the end of the age spectrum to own, my peak earning years are over. That is a simple fact of life. I don’t make the rules, that’s just how the world works.

I’ll be mid 40’s before my credit is even good enough for a small loan, let alone a mortgage.

I am not happy, and I really not even going to try anymore.

if you

3 04 2015

Can’t have the life you wan’t, its kind of hard to be and feel happy.

This is why we can never own a home.

29 03 2015

Cheapest home listed currently in our city.



It’s also a fixer upper, so not move in ready really. Also not in a ideal location as it’s in an industrial area.

One would if approved for 5% down, need 22,000 as a down payment. To get a mortage for the remaining amount of 417,000 one would need an income pushing 6 figures. (90,000 roughly per year.)

That is why we can never own a home. We made a combined income of 29,000, so we are nowhere near able to make that kind of income.

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