Double standards

27 08 2015

When it comes to health and health issues the double standards in this world is nothing but 100% discrimination.

If someone has a physical health issue, nobody say’s well go and figure out how to fix it yourself but have a mental disability and suddenly you are expected 100% to fix yourself on your own with no help or guidance.

Oh the self help books are good, but they do not replace professional counseling and help and they are a supplement to professional counseling, not a replacement for it.

Oddly for whatever reason the worst people it seems to talk to are those who have had access to professional help and have overcome some of their issues and formed a good life, for having gone through the experience and then to be so nasty to someone who has no professional help with their mental health issues trying to work through the world with no guidance.

I do my best with what I have, and I am overwhelmed and trying to do more then I am personally capable of, I know my limits, I know what I can and cannot do, telling me things like “only you can fix your issues” or “just find a solution” are not helpful and in fact to the opposite and bring me down even further.

I am not capable at this juncture to hold a long term full-time job, I wish I was, I’d actually rather work. I have hurdles to overcome and sometimes people need help, assistance, and guidance to overcome those hurdles. I don’t expect anyone to fix me, I just need guidance and assistance to overcome the hurdles that keep me down.

Trying to undo 36 years of issues along, is no easy task, even with help it’s no easy take, but with help there is guidance and direction where not I am nothing more then a lost ship at sea with no idea which direction to go to find land.

Yes, I am doing what I can with what resources I have access to, unfortunately those resources are in great demand so the waits to access them are very long, and not really suited to personality disorders since the primary treatment is medication as medication is pretty much all psychiatrists do, but psychiatrists are covered my medical services, psychologists and counselors are not, so gotta accept what you can access. Who know’s maybe being medicated up will keep me numb enough to not feel emotional pain.

The psychiatrist appointment is in early fall, so not horribly far anymore, a little over a month, total wait from booking appointment will be about 3 months.

The psychologist I saw at the DBT place agreed with the previous 2 psychiatrists who said I am borderline, and added in Agoraphobia which does also explain things I that I wasn’t sure about.

I did do everything in my power to attend the DBT group program and counseling with the psychologist, however if the money isn’t there it isn’t there. If I work it takes away disability, so we are no further ahead financially, and I’d need to make like 20/hr to make enough to cover what we need for living + enough left over for the program.

I even went as far as trying one of those fundraising websites…lol…. yeah I was desperate, but it wasn’t meant to be, so for now, all I can do is try my best within my capabilities, I just don’t think that will bring me to the point I want to be in life, but suppose it’s better then nothing.

As a side note, I understand why we have a capital mostly free market system, but at the same time those of us at the bottom of the free market don’t exactly benefit from it and suffer under a free market system, but I guess that is what a free market system desires, the suffering of some for the rest can have a comfortable life.

It’s just sickening sometimes when people complain about being poor, and they turn out to be making 5,000 a month, to me that is not wealthy, but is not in anyway poor, that is nearly 1/2 year wage when I was working, but nothing is going to change, we are a free market society, and I am in the bottom of that society, so I need to learn how to better accept being at the bottom.





Housing insecurity is a big issue in parts of Canada…….

22 08 2015

Including where I live which isn’t a major city, isn’t some fancy metropolis, but a small town with 17,000 people…

The going advice from people when high rents are mentioned and housing insecurity being an issue seems to be, well renting has no security (this is true) so you need to buy… Well let me says this, I’d venture a lot of renters would love to own, but guess what, the prices of housing to own is just as insane and requires an income well above the median and average incomes for this area.

The cheapest housing on the market right now that isn’t a mobile home, is almost 500,000, really you think a low income to middle income earner can buy at those prices?

The rental vacancy rate is 0.5% currently, yes a half of a percent, so there is also nearly nothing to rent.

Rent for a 1 bedroom apartment on the low end is now 1,300 a month to 1,800 a month.

Get a 2 bedroom and a roommate you say? Sure, except those are averaging 1,800 to 2,000 a month for a 2 bedroom, so half the rent is 900-1,000 a month, and still not affordable.

Our lease is up at the end of January, so we will have to give notice of move out by November 30th, or sign a new lease to continue for another year, what we do will depend on how much if any our rent goes up.

We could handle 50 increase, but if it’s raised 100, 150, 200, or 300 a month, then we will be so screwed.

Our total income is only around 1,900 a month, and we already pay 900 a month and we are in the cheapest building in town.





Academics, and not understanding by others.

19 08 2015

Those who succeed in academics in general do not understand those who do not. Learning disabilities are real, and some quite severe, and some of us despite trying with all our might, hiring tutors, and doing everything we can, still do not do well.

It’s very insulting when people tell us we are lazy or don’t try hard enough, or we partied or whatever other reason they come up to justify their comments.

I can say, I tried hard to do well in school, spent large sums of money on tutors as did my parents in high school and younger years, and despite doing everything I could, not partying, not wasting time, I still do not do well enough in school to pass college, I can’t at this point even pass some high school courses, I tried to do math 9 earlier in the year, and I did not come close to passing, I can’t even get into college without grade 12 level math, and well at this point, not much else I can do.





I cannot do it.

14 08 2015

I cannot do it on my own. Self help alone does not help me. I need a proper counselor to talk to and work my issues out.

SINCE NOBODY IN MY LIFE WAN’T TO HELP OR CARES TO HELP, there is not much else I can do at this point.

The medical system does not treat borderline disorder and I cannot afford to pay for it,so I am screwed.





School

14 08 2015

I applied for a lab assistant program, the people who take your blood at hospitals and labs. I wont know for a few months if I got in or not, if I got in, would start in Feb.

Price of 17k is a bit high, and well if we don’t come up with the funding, I can’t go, so still looking into financial aid stuff.

Amazing how much education is in this province.





Change of plans.

5 08 2015

We could not sort the money needed for DBT, so for now it’s been placed on the back burner. The cost for us is too much, and we would be in huge financial hardship by doing it at this point in time. If it were between cable and DBT, DBT would be the pick, but this was going to boil down to either having a place to live or DBT and well we need a place to live more… Just part of life.

I’ll eventually do it, but we will have to wait until we are more financially able to do so.





Start DBT next week.

29 07 2015

I start DBT group next week, it will run weekly (unless its a holiday) for roughly 26 weeks, I will also see a therapist for individual therapy every other week, I can’t afford to do both weekly, and group has to be weekly, so only option is to see the therapist every other week…lol

Not sure what to expect fully, but I am looking forward to it, and I hope I can continue to the end (finances are tight right now) as I think it will help me a great deal and get me the skills and education that I need to cope better, and feel better.








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