37 1/2 years buried inside

17 08 2016

I am finding it incredibly difficult to move on with life. I have 37 1/2 years now of buried emotions, and experiences of the negative variety that I can’t seem to just let go. I try and try, but some are just so complicated, it’s not so easy to just forget and move on, some of the things really affect me to this day even though the people responsible are long gone.

If I could figure out how to move on and let go of these feelings and thoughts and find ways to positively build a future, I would be a happy camper.

I find I am just in need of more help and assistance then I could ever do on my own.





I am tired of being told there are solutions when there are none.

29 07 2016

Positive people grate my nerves, its one thing to have a positive outlook if it is a rational outlook and realistic outlook, however sometimes there are no realistic and achievable solutions to something.

I am not employable at this point in life,  I have no skills of use to an employer, I have grade 12 education and nothing beyond that. All of my work experience aside from my high school job has been in 2 industries hotel and airline, neither of which I gained any useful transferable skills.

I need more education and work training, however I cannot afford it, realistically I cannot pay for it out of pocket, the British Columbia gov’t says I cannot get any student aid until  I pay 1 full year myself without any assistance, and it has to be full-time. This is not realistic.

I am not on EI, have never been on EI and do not and will never get EI as I am on disability, so there are few options for retraining.

Disability does offer some funds for job training for short term training, however there is a big catch, you have to be a single parent, I am neither single nor a parent so not an option.

I cannot get loans from a bank as I don’t have credit, as I have too low of income to qualify for credit, so not an option.

I applied for scholarships at the school through financial aid but did not get awarded any, between my age (37) no academic history of any standing in recent years, and well my high school days were a struggle, so no surprise I can’t find scholarships.

Because I have US Citizenship as well, I tried to also go to school in WA state, but because I don’t live in the US, I would be considered for tuition purposes a foreign student and the foreign student tuition rate is more then I make in a year, so no doable.

 

I went to a gov’t sponsored work center, and their advice was to get training in something and that I am not considered employable, ditto with disability they also consider me unemployable.

 

I apply for jobs on both sides of the border all the time, I never get interviews, so no interviews means no chance at a job, but again what can I offer any employer?

 

I am out of idea’s and do not have the means nor resources to achieve anything, and few people can come back from the bottom depths alone with no support, those who have come back almost always say they had support and assistance of others.

 

I don’t even have access to proper medical care because our healthcare system is so screwed up they don’t consider mental health a true problem and just brush you to the side, especially if your an adult over 25, youths in the 18-25 range have far more options, but suppose the gov’t figures its better to get youths help as they have time to achieve things in life, by the time your pushing 40, your just not worth anything anymore it seems.

 

And yes I could use extensive therapy, however its not within my ability to pay, so its not something I can access, and its not something our gov’t healthcare will even pay for.

 

 





Are you ever too old?

25 07 2016

Some say your never too old to do something, but reality is we do become too old for certain things.

College while technically your never too old, the fact is a good majority of funding for college is only available to under 30’s.

Many volunteer type opportunities as well are only open to the under 30’s youth.

Society is built around youth, and 30 seems to be the cut off for a lot of things, hell if I were under 30 it would even open up more mental health care.

So technically you may not be too old, but reality is you do become too old for a lot of things and have no way to achieve what you want because your simply deemed too old.

 





5 year plan

25 07 2016

Our 5 year plan is to leave Canada and move to the US. I have USC already so easy peasy for me, but my wife needs to be sponsored to immigrate there, so that takes time and a not so small amount of money, so its not something we can do now, but in a 5 year span should be doable.

Canada has just become to pricey, well BC has, and ON isn’t any better, and well the rest of the country isn’t appealing in anyway.

The US just offers more potential and opportunity and well a huge selection of areas anywhere from tropical to arctic and everything in between, where outside of Southern BC, Canada basically offers cold winters, short summers, and not a whole lot more…

 

And while healthcare is more $$ down there, it is at least easily accessible and I would stand a greater chance of getting treatment where here there is 0 chance.





No hope

21 07 2016

There is no hope for me, I am not able to fix me, I lack the ability and knowledge, I hate my life, I do not enjoy it and at this point and age, there is nothing that can be done to improve it.

 

I am past any age at which a life can be built.





Spending too much time in one place

20 07 2016

I am starting to think that possibly spending too much time in one place is not good for my mental health.

Looking back the time frame when i had the freedom to just hop on a plane and go somewhere for a few days, was the most stable and I would rate my mental health back then and good to above average.

I was still poor, but I had the freedom to travel every week somewhere, and ever since I have been stuck in one place week after week, my mental health has just gone down.

Only thing keeping my from travel is money, or lack of it, we barely have enough income to pay for housing which alone eats up 50% of the months income, and we are not even in a nice area or nice apartment, to live in something nice in a nice area, your looking at 1,300+ a month now.

 

 





Resume’s

10 07 2016

Anyone have any suggestions on how to improve a resume when the following issues are at hand:

 

  1. Job hopping, haven’t had a long term job since 2003, and I have a lot of gaps of no employment and I struggle with how to deal with these when creating a resume

 

2. No formal education beyond 12th grade, and no formal skills training. I have no real skills to speak of. I can be trained to do things, but most companies seem unwilling to train. I can do basic computer stuff, but nothing advanced like excel.

 

 

 








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