This is why.

19 04 2016

Therapy isn’t an insured service under our healthcare system, so it has to be paid for out of pocket.

DBT program is 26 weeks minimum, and requires at minimum 4 groups per month, and 2 individual sessions per month. (4 individual is recommended.)

The minimum cost per month is:

Group $400

Individual $250 (minimum, $125 per session for a student MA, or $180 for Phd level.)

Total per month for therapy: $650

Additional costs:

Gas- $15 round trip.

Tolls $6 round trip

Parking downtown $20-$25 average.

Total cost: $691 per month.

There is no public transit option from where I live, so the gas & tolls & parking isn’t avoidable, but transit would not be much if any cheaper.

Income per month $1,900

Rent- $900 (lowest we could find where we live.)

Car including gas and insurance – $522

Hydro, food, medications $250

Total left per month- $228

A deficit of $463 per month.

This doesn’t take into account misc costs like dog food, tooth paste, shampoo, toilet paper etc.

So the deficit is really the full 691 per month.


May not sound like a lot to some, but this amount of money is just not something we can come up with every month for 6.5 months minimum.






Telling people vs not telling people

19 04 2016

Pro’s and con’s to both when deciding to tell people about mental health issues one may have.

For some going public and letting people know leads to support.

For others it does the opposite, and creates more stress and triggers.


Looking back, I would have chosen to stay quiet, and never told anyone. Doing so did not help in any way and just created a more stressful life.

And of course made people dislike me.

Hopefully the next generation will be more accepting to those with mental health concerns and issues.

We have clearly come a long way in acceptance compared to the past,but we are nowhere near mental illness being accepted and people still look down on those with it.

I will never again tell anyone who doesn’t already know that I have borderline. I will go back to the generic anxiety and depression, telling people true diagnoses is the worst thing I ever did.

Oh depression.

14 04 2016

What does one do when.

9 03 2016

They are in need of help but there is nowhere to seek help because they are poor?

It’s now 2016 and I have still not yet been able to find an accessible DBT therapy both group and counseling that falls within our budget.

The public system is not capable of providing the help, so where else does one go?

I do my best with self help books and websites, but my issues are so deep, complicated, and long term that it is virtually impossible for me to gain much traction on my own since I still have to bottle everything inside me.

I still have no direction in life, no idea what the next step is, where to go, what to do or how to cope.

Simply being wake stresses me out these days.

We have recently moved so I have lost access to a GP and psychiatrist so more or less back on my own there, but neither really did anything that lead to betterment mental health wise.

I did call the public mental health unit, and had the intake, however they don’t provide counseling of any sort nor do they provide long term treatment. I am on the list for the basic CBT group class for later in the spring, early summer. I’ve taken this CBT group before, its not what I would call beneficial, but does get me out once a week for  2 hours.

I really just wan’t to have a chance at a semi-normal life, have the potential to hold a job, learn the coping skills I need, and be able to discuss the issues at hand with a professional who can work through them with me one at a time.

I did the math and DBT program of 26 weeks meeting once per week + the minimum of 2 therapy sessions (they recommend once a week.) comes to the following per month:

$400 per month for the group session

$250 per month with the counselor at a student extern level. (Certified counselor is $150 and Phd Psychologist is $175)

The counseling session part is 50 minutes and group part is 2 hours.

Total is $650 + the incidental costs like bridge tolls, gas, and parking since its downtown and no free parking and seeing as I am 100km away, transit isn’t an option.

All in all I would need $750 per month just to access the first 26 weeks.

Our income is derived from disability and my wife’s job. Doing the math even if we cut cable completely that only saves $34 per month, for a grand total of around $155 left to cover things that may arise in a month like toilet paper or a prescription.

As you can see see, what we have left after the essentials is nowhere near the amount needed.

We have no debt, so our entire income goes to essentials like housing, food, transportation and such, only luxuries are the internet which is needed for life, and the cable.

I am 100% out of idea’s. I’ve tried bank loans but we don’t make enough money to get approved. Our credit card only has a $300 limit and they won’t raise it again low income.

I even asked family but they are in no position, and even went as far even though it was embarrassing and set up a go fund me type thing, but that didn’t work either.

People say to try and wait and things will get better, but frankly I have been working on this and waiting for better part of a decade now, I highly doubt at this point things will improve and in fact things have been getting worse and worse for me mental health wise.

I guess if your going to be mentally ill or have mental health issues, it’s best to be wealthy because if your not, well treatment is simply not accessible.




help is hard to get

25 02 2016

Single hardest thing in life so far has been trying to access appropriate help so I can actually have a life and move on past this point.

2 tier mental health

8 02 2016

Despite having so called universal health care we really don’t when it comes to mental health. When it comes to mental health we have a 2 tier system.


  1. Those who have the finances to self pay have access to a wide range of mental health services, and can generally quickly receive help.


2. Those who lack the finances to self pay have restricted access, and are at the mercy of the government, and well the public mental health services depending on area can really suck, or not even be available at all.


I am in group 2. Add in that fact I do not have a disorder that can be easily managed by medication and I am even more screwed.


Like everything else in life, even mental health treatment is dependent on how financially well off you are.


Who knows what life could have been like the last 6 years if I had been able to access appropriate mental health care, but I will never know. I will never have the money required to access it, so I have given up.


Why keep hoping for something that is never going to come?

I know what the issue is.

18 01 2016

I have no fulfillment in life. The jobs I get only make other rich, they serve nothing but to cause major stress for me. We can never own a house which means no fulfillment in housing and again making someone else rich, and at the end of the day, nothing to show for all the money spent on housing, you walk away with nothing.

I haven’t had job interview calls in weeks, maybe even months now. I am not employable let alone employable into any job that isn’t crappy, not fulfilling and completely unsuited for me due to disability issues.

I am in my final 3 years of being in my 30’s and just as I predicted, not much changed, same as every other decade of my life.

I had some hope for a brief period when I thought I might go to school this year, but that fell through as we have no way to pay for it, so back to square one.

This world is so messed up, unless part of the elite wealthy class your screwed in this modern world.

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